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Tuesday, 05 August 2008

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Monday, 28 January 2008

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

  • 1.Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front。
    買藥難過買煙,這是社會必然現象。捐款要搵人、騙子要呃你,也會自動找上門。好股票是難找,壞股就一定通街有人唱,唱它是好。所以,壞股容易買得到,好股永遠都是難買到。
    2.Only in America……do people order;double Cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke。
    芝士漢堡大薯條加健怡可樂,三者看似不夾:前兩者並非健康,健怡可樂有益身心。其實不少投資者買入不少壞股,但求買入1隻好股,以求好壞可對畄。但一好不 能掩二壞,要救也救不掂。唯一解決方法,是芝士漢堡去芝士及漢堡,即齋包加生菜,炸薯條改為蒸薯蓉,健怡可樂照舊。三樣都健康,三樣都好,才可真正好。
    3.Only in America……do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters。
    銀行做生意自然要打開大門,但銀行定會諸多計較,連原子筆也有鐵鏈鎖住,這是必然現象。就好像投資者很多時見到派息就不見股價跌,真係收息都補唔番。
    靚股則即沽衰股竟長獱
    4.Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage。
    無用之物留在家中,有用之物則隨處亂放。買股者亦如是,蝕本之股獱足幾年,賺錢之股轉手便放。
    5.Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight。
    熱狗10隻1包,因為美國人愛吃熱狗,而麵包就只是8個1包。同樣好股(健康的麵包)包裝必少,壞股(不健康的熱狗)必然充斥市場。劣股驅逐良股,古之有也!
    6.Only in America…….do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well︰ 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'。
    拉丁文"poli"意指「多」,"tics"意指「吸血蟲」,凸顯希臘人的智慧。政客政治都是吸血者,不談也罷。
    7.Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering。
    Braille是盲人凸字符號,一般都應在社會設施上設有,但是盲人不能獱車,故在專為駕駛者而設的提款機也設有盲人凸字設施,就似乎有點怪異,也難怪被我同學拿出來笑。
    8.Only in America……. do they park on the driveway and drive on the Parkway。
    Ever wonder……。
    "Driveway"即「車道間」,是用來泊車用的;"Parkway"即「林蔭大道」,是用來駕車用的。此兩字被換轉,一如中國人之「射」字與「矮」 字。「委矢」當然是射,「身寸」就即是矮,但兩者剛巧互掉,是甚麼原因,大家可以去找找。投資者很多時將收息股當作增長股來炒,又將增長股當收息股來炒之 事,也屢見不鮮。
    減息有時利淡有時利好
    9.Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
    太陽可使頭髮轉白,皮膚轉黑。一如減息之消息,有時利好股市,有時利淡股市,利好利淡,都視乎心態。
    10.Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
    通靈者理論上必然可期期中六合彩。之所以沒有這情況,就一如股票分析員,未必買每隻股都能賺、馬評家貼每隻馬都必贏。看來世上都無靈家,亦無專家,只有輸家或贏家,都是人一個。
    11.Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
    簡約(abbreviated)之所以未能簡約,是因為我們不知如何簡約。一如筆者有時對一些股票無自己觀點,則必然顧左右而言他,口水多過茶,都俾唔出目標價。
    12.Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
    醫生行醫叫「實習」(practice)。一如筆者講股時,可上可下,都是找大家來做實習。
    13.Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
    檸檬汁(lemon juice)正是假亦真時真亦假,股票市場上就見得多。
    14.Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
    "Broker"意即「經紀」。壞的經紀會使你broke(損失慘重),故此有名你叫。所以找經紀時要帶眼識人。
    15.Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
    "Rush hour"之時,行車必慢,名不正,在股票市場上亦時有可見。「大中華」者,其業務未必泛及大中華,可能只局限在灣仔而言。
    次按產品必有安全包裝
    16.Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
    為死囚打毒針,針頭是不用去消毒,但服務一定會做全套,所以臨死也要做消毒。一如推銷次按產品者,明知會害死你,都會包裝成為安全缳生清潔之產品,等你死都死得乾淨。
    17.You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
    "Indestructible black box"「黑盒」堅固無比,因為只是得個盒堅固,要全架飛機如此堅固,生產成本必高。因此,呃人之金融產品,都只是頭幾期可高息高回報,之後就……
    18.Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
    綿羊淋雨不會縮水,是因為羊毛是不縮水的,縮水的就不是羊毛。正是「真金不怕洪爐火,羊毛不怕雨來淋」。壞的投資產品一落水就縮水,大家就會變無水。
    高收益債券不等於高收益
    19.Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
    "Apartment"不是獨立屋,自然會連接在一起。一如「高收益債券」並不等於「高收益」一樣。
    20.If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
    機場叫"terminal"(終站),一如股票市場也是terminal。能否安全而回,看你所揀的航空公司而定,揀到壞股,提早到終站。
    結論
    人生道理也一如股票市場的道理。其實炒股與炒人生一樣,大家日日都可以學習到新的求生技能。到時人人都是專家,不用聽我這個壞鬼專家。


    石 鏡 泉 專 欄 (14/01/2008): 笑談炒股

Sunday, 06 January 2008

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